Where Were You?
by Misha Schmidt
Summary: Where were you, Jamie? You were my best friend, you were my everything. Why weren't you there, Jamie?


**Where Were You?**

**Summary: Where were you, Jamie? You were my best friend, you were my everything. Why weren't you there, Jamie? **

**So... this is so sad, and emotional, I don't even know why I wrote this, honestly. I just got a depressed, and it happened. I literally wrote this in half an hour.**

**I cried a little writing this, mainly because I killed... someone in the story, and it's pretty sad. I hope you guys like it.**

Dear Jamie,

I could pretend I don't know why I'm doing this.

I could act like I don't know what's driven me to do this horrible thing, or what's made me even consider it.

But that's not true. I know exactly why I feel this way. And I have three words for you.

Where were you?

We met in pre-k, you were just a pretty boy, and I was the hockey head. Logan and Carlos were our friends, but our friendship grew stronger over the years, we became inseparable.

But something changed along the way. We were still friends, but we weren't close anymore.

Where were you, Jamie? Where were you when my father died? I was inconsolable, and part of the reason was simply because you weren't there.

I forgave you, but it didn't change anything. Where were you when I told my mother I was gay?

Where were you when my step-dad flinched away from his gay step-son every time he walked into the room?

Where were you, Jamie?

Where were you when I got in trouble for passing notes in class with Logan? Remember when we used to do that? Where were you when I finally got total in my Stats test? Where were you when I won the team our first hockey championship?

Where were you when I got accepted to play for Minnesota Wild?

Where were you when I declined my hockey scholarship because I wanted to stay here with you?

Where were you when my sister just stopped talking to me for no reason at all?

Where were you when Logan moved away with Carlos, and I had absolutely no one?

I was always there for you, Jamie. I was there for you when you broke your arm, I was there for you for your first audition for the school musical.

But where were you?

I needed you, I needed you to comfort me, to tell me that I was worth it. To tell me that I was worth every single second of your life. Because you were worth every single second of mine.

Where were you when my step father came home one night, that drunken bastard, and raped me?

I ran to you for help, Jamie.

Where were you?

You were my best friend, you were my everything.

Why weren't you there, Jamie?

I missed you, missed you so bad, and you still weren't there.

Where were you whenever I was crying?

Where were you when I went to my first prom dateless?

Where were you when I had my first kiss?

Where were you when I began to hate myself? Where were you when I was suffering from depression? You were never there. You would never come.

Where were you?

Where were you when I started cutting? Where were you when I started to smoke? Where were you when I began to wish that I wasn't alive? Where were you when I had anaemia? Where were you when I overdosed on pills and was in the hospital?

Where. Were. You?

Where are you now, Jamie? Where are you now as I actually consider ending it all?

Where are you now?

I don't care. But I still love you.

K.

...

James folds the note once, twice, then a third time, a tear slipping down his face.

_Where were you, Jamie?_

James looks at the pale figure in the bed, the heartbeat monitor beeping slowly. _I was always here, Kendall. You just didn't see me._

He didn't know Kendall was feeling that way. He didn't know anything. He was a fucked up mess. When he found Kendall on the floor of his bedroom in a pool of his own blood, and the note on the bed, he swore his heart stopped.

And it was all because he put his other friends, and his life before Kendall, although he knew the blonde means so much to him.

It is his fucking fault Kendall almost died. His. Fucking. Fault.

And as the doctor said, there was still a possibility he might die. He lost so much blood, and if he gave up the will to live-

James didn't even want to think about it. He walks over to Kendall, and picks up his cold hand.

'I love you,' he whispers to him, more and more tears streaming down his face.

And the monitor lets out an alarming beep.

Doctors rush in, and James is pushed out of the room, as they attempt to save a boy who had no will to live anymore.

He rests his head in his arms, and what seems like an hour later, but it is really a few minutes, the door opens, and a nurse comes out, crying.

'I'm sorry.' She whispers, and James' whole world crashes down on him.

_Where were you, Jamie? I was always there for you, Jamie, but where were you?_

James runs out the door, not knowing where he's going, because a line only keeps repeating in his head, until it's a consistent dull pound.

_Where were you?_

**I refused to write anymore, because I may make James kill himself, but you guys could feel free to think whatever you want :) He moves on, gets a new life, anything. It's your imagination :P**

**I've never written anything exactly like this before, so please review and tell me what you think :)**

**Chelzixoxo**


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